Pregnancy is a journey for everyone involved. It affects dads and moms differently and that is something that should be noticed and tended to. It's a very intimate experience, it will bond you in a way that hasn't yet been achieved. Dad, you will have a chance to be there for your wife in a way that is a treasure. My best piece of advice for you dads, is to educate yourself on how to be a great birth partner! (There are many books and articles that you can find that will teach you and that, linked with your best instincts will be a great pair) Just like a mother can't truly prepare for what birth is like, the same is true for dads. You can read and you can prepare and then you have to trust that you are ready.
Surprises are common, things you didn't think of will happen, even for the best prepared couple, it won't be exactly as you imagined. That's where a doula comes in. Doulas are trained to be there with you and for you. Doulas have seen many different situations and they are experienced enough to stay level headed for you, to be that objective person that is rooting for you and has no agenda other than that. Doulas are ready and willing to tend to every need of the mother, as well as the father. Doulas are that extra set of hands. Imagine having a personal assistant that can and will do backbends if they believe it will help you progress :)
There are some doulas that will be with you every second from the start of your first contraction until well after the baby is born, because they believe that is their role. There are other doulas that are really good at giving a couple space and allowing them to lead the way with what they need. (I've had couples not call me until almost the actual birth itself and then I am racing against the clock to get there in time, and I am ok with that, because I know that by the time you are in labor, you are prepared and you are ready for me "when you need me") That's a good thing to ask the doulas you interview. They should be able to tell you when they normally join you and if they think it's their duty to attend to your wife while she is in the bathroom, or if she believes she best serves you both by waiting nearby. Each couple is different and has different needs and it's our job to tap into that and tend to your individual needs. This is not a one size fits all job!
Generally speaking, doulas are not dads and dads are not doulas. Dads serve a role that no one can fulfill. Dads are intimate with their wives, they love their wives and want to protect their wives in a primal way and that can not be matched. Doulas also serve a role that no one else can fulfill, not the nurses, or the OB's/Midwives, not even dads, even though some try. A person becomes a doula because they have something in their heart that says they are called to serve others. That heart is what births a doula and the training and expertise just add to that. Doulas are a valid and important part of your birth team.
*Dad is my generic name for birth partner. I know there are many variations of couples, but I find addressing each one makes my writing confusing.*
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