Every mom I meet has a vision of her birth. My job as a doula is to help that mom bring her vision to life through education, support, research and hands on help. Birth is unpredictable. It is ever changing and it almost never goes exactly as planned. Preparing for the birth you envision is important, it's something that you should crave and believe in. However, it's also something that needs a deeper look. Birth deserves conditional considerations and it is clearly obvious that the "unsightly interventions" that most moms want to avoid are the exact situations they find themselves facing. The kicker is the disappointment. A mom with a clear picture of how she expects her birth to go, is a mom who is mentally prepared. It's fun to sit and dream of the day you meet your child. I love that fantasy and I love when it comes to life through a perfect experience. I will be honest when I say, it doesn't happen all that often. It's great and beautiful when it does, but what if I said I don't get to see those births too often? What I get to see are real, authentic hospital births where the practitioners and nurses want to fulfill mom's vision, however, mom's body doesn't quite cooperate the way she hoped. What happens next is a tug and pull on mom's heartstrings. She is torn, between the birth she wanted and the birth she is getting. That's a really hard place for a doula to watch. It's the look of disappointment on a mom's face that leads a doula into a tailspin of "what could I have done differently to serve this mom better". It's a rude awakening for all involved. Before we go into a deep pit of dismay, I will lighten the mood by introducing the fact that even the most unexpected birth, does usually result in a healthy baby and a healthy mom. Yes that's the ultimate goal and it's a great day when that happens. No matter how you got there, you are there, and all is well. I would like to erase the disappointment phase all together and I know that's only slightly possible. We prepare for the "ideal" birth, that's the fun part as I stated earlier. Here is the trick. Prepare for the "less than ideal" birth as well. What happens if you labor for 24+ hours and you and your support team have exhausted all efforts and you have only dilated 3 cm's. What then? What happens if you are faced with an induction? What happens if you are faced with a cesarean section and you have run out of other options? It's imperative to mentally prepare yourself for these scenarios because reality is, they come up often. Moms, I will level with you, I have been trained to empower women to go after the birth they believe in, and I am all about supporting a mom who is empowered with a plan. Yes, our bodies are designed for birth and for breastfeeding and yes in a perfect world, there would be no issues when it comes to giving birth and breastfeeding. Perfect worlds are great, as long as there is a realistic perspective to back you up when things take an unexpected turn.
I am a doula, and I am rooting for you! My heart breaks when your heart breaks and my heart swells with joy when you experience the bliss of a great birth. Each experience looks different, each baby is unique, each mom has different situations, but at the end of the day, each birth is special and perfect in it's own design.
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