Free your anxiety, have a better birth

I have written up a little "theory pep talk", hopefully it will inspire you! Think of it as "free professional advice" :)

Did you know giving birth is normal? Did you know anxiety about delivery is also normal?

That's right! Women, have been designed to have an egg meet sperm, and with that, to create and grow a human life within the womb and then yes, give birth. There are many ways to give birth. There is a right way and a wrong way for each and every woman that experiences pregnancy. That way is a personal experience and one that works with instincts as well as desires. Please know, when the plans are all laid out, the baby decides to be born, and guess what? Plans change. Oh yes they do! Each and every single birth is different. Reminds me of snowflakes. Each one unique in it's own special way. Just like women. I'm sure you've heard before that women are made to give birth. It's a fact. There is a lot of fear linked to giving birth. Most every birth has some level of anxiety related to the thought of having a baby. It's completely understandable. It's not everyday that our bodies partake in a marathon that is unlike any other. All of the preparations possible, and there can still be surprises. Birth is unpredictable. But, what if I told you I think I have something that can help. I bet you've read through some great pregnancy books! I've experienced two pregnancies of my own and that's always the first thing I go for when I get that positive pregnancy test. I want to sponge up all things birth related for the next 9 months and I want to eat, sleep and breathe the miracle that is growing inside of my belly. (excuse me, for the more technical folks out there, the miracle that is growing in my uterus)

Would you find it a little odd if I told you, along with those pregnancy books, to pick up a book on anxiety? You see, I have a long history of dealing with anxiety. There are a few things that helped. One was reading about anxiety and one was finding out how classic my symptoms were. It was like I could check mark each and every symptom that was listed in those books and I felt like, “Wow! If I am feeling this way and feel so alone right now, there must be many others who feel this exact same way”. Most importantly, I learned that my anxiety could not hurt me. It was unbearable at times, but I lived through it. I learned to embrace it, without fighting against it anymore, to just accept that I am a person with anxiety and that I have the tools necessary to coast through it until it passes. Much like labor and delivery. Each and every contraction is like a “wave” it works it's way through and then it vanishes. I've heard many women say they attempted to give birth without medication and then they panicked and then they made quick decisions based on relentless fear of what was going to happen next. Panic and birth simply can not work together. It's a disaster for anyone that's experienced it, because you are shaken. Your confidence runs to hide in the corner and you are left to feel helpless and in dire need of something to make it go away. Panic is a very real emotion. Panic almost always will get a person to want to get up and just run away without looking back. Anxiety has taught me though, you can't outrun it. And you certainly can't outrun birth. You are there, you have no choice, when that baby is coming out, there is no stopping it. How will you deal with that? It's helpful to be prepared for these feelings of fear. If you have ever felt fear before, which I can assume we all have. What did it feel like? What calmed you? Do you remember? If not, I am hoping you have some time to search that one deep in your soul.

Birth and fear go hand in hand, the more you channel what calms you and empowers you, the better you will be suited to seek the birth you desire. When all else fails, let go and give in. Rest in the fact that you have done all you can to prepare, and now, it's just time to journey through it and make it out on the other side holding that little one that made it all worth it!

The reality of childbirth

Let me just take a second to say welcome to my new blog. I am a doula and offer lactation support and I have a strong passion for helping families. This blog is meant to reflect my insights in the world of "birth".



Every mom I meet has a vision of her birth. My job as a doula is to help that mom bring her vision to life through education, support, research and hands on help. Birth is unpredictable. It is ever changing and it almost never goes exactly as planned. Preparing for the birth you envision is important, it's something that you should crave and believe in. However, it's also something that needs a deeper look. Birth deserves conditional considerations and it is clearly obvious that the "unsightly interventions" that most moms want to avoid are the exact situations they find themselves facing. The kicker is the disappointment. A mom with a clear picture of how she expects her birth to go, is a mom who is mentally prepared. It's fun to sit and dream of the day you meet your child. I love that fantasy and I love when it comes to life through a perfect experience. I will be honest when I say, it doesn't happen all that often. It's great and beautiful when it does, but what if I said I don't get to see those births too often? What I get to see are real, authentic hospital births where the practitioners and nurses want to fulfill mom's vision, however, mom's body doesn't quite cooperate the way she hoped. What happens next is a tug and pull on mom's heartstrings. She is torn, between the birth she wanted and the birth she is getting. That's a really hard place for a doula to watch. It's the look of disappointment on a mom's face that leads a doula into a tailspin of "what could I have done differently to serve this mom better". It's a rude awakening for all involved. Before we go into a deep pit of dismay, I will lighten the mood by introducing the fact that even the most unexpected birth, does usually result in a healthy baby and a healthy mom. Yes that's the ultimate goal and it's a great day when that happens. No matter how you got there, you are there, and all is well. I would like to erase the disappointment phase all together and I know that's only slightly possible. We prepare for the "ideal" birth, that's the fun part as I stated earlier. Here is the trick. Prepare for the "less than ideal" birth as well. What happens if you labor for 24+ hours and you and your support team have exhausted all efforts and you have only dilated 3 cm's. What then? What happens if you are faced with an induction? What happens if you are faced with a cesarean section and you have run out of other options? It's imperative to mentally prepare yourself for these scenarios because reality is, they come up often. Moms, I will level with you, I have been trained to empower women to go after the birth they believe in, and I am all about supporting a mom who is empowered with a plan. Yes, our bodies are designed for birth and for breastfeeding and yes in a perfect world, there would be no issues when it comes to giving birth and breastfeeding. Perfect worlds are great, as long as there is a realistic perspective to back you up when things take an unexpected turn.

I am a doula, and I am rooting for you! My heart breaks when your heart breaks and my heart swells with joy when you experience the bliss of a great birth. Each experience looks different, each baby is unique, each mom has different situations, but at the end of the day, each birth is special and perfect in it's own design.